


could've sworn that you and me could get away with anything

by orphan_account



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Dark Mark (Harry Potter), Friendship, Gen, Hogwarts Seventh Year, Hurt/Comfort, If You Squint - Freeform, Lesbian Pansy Parkinson, Lucius Malfoy Slander, Male-Female Friendship, Pansy Parkinson is a Good Friend, basically it's just 2.5k of them being hurt together, fuck him, meaning they're all hurting and all trying to comfort each other, not relevant for the story tho, there's very slightly implied Blaise/Theo, these tags are a mess, title from little league by conan gray because it was on repeat while i wrote this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-17
Updated: 2020-05-17
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:34:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24229723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: "Theo was forced into this," Draco whispered. "He never got a choice. I was so scared, they didn't even have to force me."Pansy then finally stood up and walked towards him. Despite the darkness of the room she could still see him perfectly clear, maybe clearer than ever.-The slytherin common room in the early hours of the morning is always filled with students from Year Seven that are hurting
Relationships: Draco Malfoy & Pansy Parkinson, Draco Malfoy & Pansy Parkinson & Blaise Zabini & Theodore Nott & Daphne Greengrass
Comments: 2
Kudos: 31





	could've sworn that you and me could get away with anything

**Author's Note:**

> i haven't written hp in like 3 years so

It was new, different. Them sitting together in the common room night after night in silence. Silence was new for them too. Being awake was new for them. At least for Pansy. She was aware that for Draco it had always been an aspect of growing up. Sleepless nights at the Manor had never been a topic Draco felt like discussing however. Never with her at least.

Pansy felt like the world was suffocating them. Like there was a rope on their necks and every passing second someone pulled it tighter. She could see how Draco was shaking every night, fingers trembling and a twitch to his lips. He was crying, just without the tears. His eyes had been dry every time. She could hear him scream even if he never opened his mouth. 

They hadn't turned the lights on, it had felt stupid, pointless. They didn't come to spend a nice evening together, to sit around the fire and discuss books or quidditch - not that Pansy knew much about either of those. They had come here so Draco wouldn't be alone with his thoughts. So Pansy wasn't in her dorm worrying about not being there for him.

So they sat on the sofa that was the closest to the glass wall, the sofa that had a perfect view of the lake. And Pansy would try to find the words to make it all alright, knowing they didn't exist. It was an endless search, but she was set on never giving up.

"You don't need to feel bad about it," she whispered. "You're not even the only one."

Draco started shaking even more. His fingers were sat in his lap and she could see his thumb pressing against the palm of his other hand, as if to hold it still. There was an indentation of his nail in his skin, a bright red contrast against his otherwise pale complexion. "It's different. It's so fucking different."

Draco then dropped his head into his hands before leaning back against the sofa again, eyes fixated on the lake through the windows. Pansy's eyes didn't leave him. The green from the lake reflected on his face, layering him in a soft shine, as if he was glowing almost. He used to glow, Pansy came to realize. He used to glow for all of them, the shining star of Slytherin. One of the brightest of their generation, right behind Hermione Granger. But the glow had been gone ever since the Dark Lord had returned. Pansy hadn't ever seen him as lifeless as he was now.

She knew better than to say anything now.

"I chose this. Theo didn't."

She slowly reached his hand, but he pulled his away and stood up, walking towards the full length window, fingers tracing over the cold glass. The lake was alive as ever, not being bothered by the night time, by the happenings surrounding them. It didn't know he was back, didn't know all of their lifes had turned around in a single summer. Fish were swimming around, as if the world wasn't burning around them. Pansy felt a flash of envy.

"Theo was forced into this," Draco whispered. "He never got a choice. I was so scared, they didn't even have to force me."

Pansy then finally stood up and walked towards him. Despite the darkness of the room she could still see him perfectly clear, maybe clearer than ever.

He looked broken in a way she had never seen before. For months she had thought she had seen Draco at his lowest point yet, had seen him more destroyed than he would ever be. Because she hadn't possibly thought it could get worse, that he could get worse. 

But here they were.

Every day she woke up to hope to see him better or at least not worse than the night before. Every day she woke up, not in her dorm, but in the common room with his head on her chest and her hands in his hair, dark, pointy nails scratching against his skull, and every time she woke up like that there was a flicker of hope in her that they would be alright. Just him and her, and maybe Blaise, Theo and Daphne. And every day once he woke up she'd have to look into his eyes, as cold as they had been the day before. And they would walk to the great hall together, only for Pansy to feel the need to hex everyone that as much as looked at them. Sometimes she did. Even if Daphne told her it wasn't worth it and Blaise told her it would backfire. Every day she had to see Draco lose himself more and more and there was nothing she could do. 

Because all she knew was to hex other students and stare down her enemies until they cowered in front of her. And while that worked perfectly on whoever wanted to same book as her in the library, it would not work on Lucius Malfoy, and especially not on the Dark Lord.

"It's okay to be scared," she whispered.

He shook his head. "Blaise isn't. Daphne- Crabbe, Goyle. They weren't. Theo wasn't. You aren't."

"Draco," she could feel her own voice break. "I'm fucking terrified."

She could see his face fall the second she said it. Could see the last restraint he had crumble in his mind. His eyes changed and she could see how he was rethinking everything she had said to him since the summer had ended. Every sharp smile and perfectly placed lie she had told Snape, every action she had made for people to see, every word she had said during these seemingly endless nights.

They both knew that this had to be the first time in her life that Pansy admitted fear.

"Of course I don't know it for sure," Pansy whispered. "But I think I would have taken it too. If they had asked."

He swallowed heavily. 

"Salazar- Of course I would have taken it. What's the alternative?"

"Run," Draco whispered. "I should have run."

She shook her head and reached for his hand again, this time he let her. "Theo tried. There's no point."

"Maybe we're meant for this," Draco said. "Maybe it's just our fate to end here."

There were tears in his eyes but Pansy refused to look at them, because she knew all too well what it would do to her. The times she had seen Draco cry could be counted on one hand and yet they had taken her apart every single time as well. 

There were footsteps behind them, on the stairs from the boy's dorm. Quiet and gentle on the stone cold floor and Pansy knew immediately who it was. 

"What do you want?" She asked, not looking away from the water. He grip on Draco's hand tightened.

She could hear the person shuffle behind them, standing just at the bottom of the stairs. And then there was a second pair of steps. Of course there was, they never came alone.

"I just came to sit in silence," Theo whispered. Pansy wanted to scream, wanted to push them away and yell for them to leave her alone, to leave Draco alone. But she knew that would be unfair. Because as much as Draco was hurting, and as much as she wanted to shield Draco from the world, Theo was hurting too, maybe just as much, maybe even more. 

"I came to watch him sit in silence," Blaise added from behind Theo and Pansy finally turned around. 

"Then sit."

They did. Sitting right where Pansy and Draco had been just moments earlier, looking at the water, just like they had. Except they didn't talk. Theo sat with his knees pulled to his chest, in a hoodie that covered his arms fully. 

Pansy turned to Draco. He was already looking at her, a question written all over his face. She was incredibly thankful that almost seven years of friendship had given her the ability to understand him, to read him. Because she didn't want him to have to say any of this out loud.

She nodded.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, squeezing her hand and walking towards the sofa, sitting next to Theo.

He sat closer to him than he would have to, just a little closer than he would during the day time, when the first years and the quidditch team was running around the common room. When it wasn't so quiet.

But he also gave Theo an out, gave him the space to move away from Draco, if he so desired. 

He didn't.

Theo looked at his own left arm, the mark covered by the cashmere of the hoodie he had worn night after night, ever since it had first appeared at the bottom of the bed and there had been one single wooden hanger too much in Blaise's closet. It was unspoken, as so many things that happened in those walls were. He then looked at Draco's left arm, also covered. Not by a sweater, not by the soft material of a comforting item. But by satin pyjamas that Theo knew were worth more than he'd ever want to know. The point however was, that Draco as well wanted it covered.

"Has she seen it?" Theo asked, voice low. Draco wasn't sure anyone but him could hear him, wasn't sure anyone else was meant to hear it.

Draco bit his lower lip and shook his head.

And then Theo's right hand was on his wrist. Draco didn't know what to do. Despite Pansy holding his hand most nights recently and Blaise always linking their arms on their way to transfiguration, it was different. They never dared to touch his left arm, always just the right.

Draco's eyes lingered on Theo's hand. His hands were bigger than Draco's, much bigger, and darker. His skin had a perfect golden tan and there wasn't a single blueish green vain to be seen. His fingers were long and slender, showing off just how many years he had spend playing the piano.

He had expected Theo to push up his sleeve and look at it, to expose it to all of them and he had braced himself for it. He didn't like knowing anyone other than him would see it, didn't like the idea of them seeing it on him, despite everyone being aware it was there. 

The push of the sleeve never came. Theo simply slipped his thumb under the sleeve, fingers brushing over where he knew the bottom of the mark was. It was a form of intimacy that Draco hadn't expected. Not from Theo of all people. Theo, who barely ever touched any of them, who stood stoic next to them and only spoke when spoken to, but somehow saying a thousand words with every single movement. 

Draco took a deep breath and Theo let his hand drop back to Draco's wrists, not quite letting go of him yet.

Pansy then finally moved, sitting next to Blaise, who had his eyes glued on the pair in front of him. She couldn't blame him. 

"It hurts," he whispered. She only nodded. She was aware that Blaise was the least involved out of all of them. His mother had bigger concerns in her life than the Dark Lord, had interests that did not need for her to pledge allegiance to him, nor for her to distance herself. If Blaise would submit himself to them, it would never be because of his family. 

Pansy's parents hadn't talked to her about it, hadn't mentioned it yet. Maybe won't mention it ever. But every time she heard from them there were unspoken words hanging over them like a string threatening to rip any second.

"Daphne would know what to do now," Pansy replied. She would. Daphne always knew. At least Pansy told herself that because that was the only way she could get herself to believe anyone knew how to act in these situations. Because if not even Daphne, Slytherin's princess, knew what to do or say, then who could?

Blaise's shoulder slumped. "I don't think there is something we could do."

She felt her heart shatter in her chest. It had been the first time one of them had said it out loud.

"I want to hurt every single person that ever looked at him wrong," Pansy whispered, eyes lingering on Theo and Draco who were silent as ever but clearly unaware of the other two. 

Blaise hummed. "He wouldn't want you to fight his battles."

"Someone has to," she replied. Her hands on the sofa tightened into fists, nails digging into the ruined leather of the sofa.

"If you fight his," Blaise whispered, "that leaves me to fight yours."  _ So who will fight mine? _

The question, was only implied but it was there and Pansy didn't have an answer. If everyone looked after themselves, everyone would be looked after. That's how they had grown up, how they survived. It worked fine so far, so why would they change it now?

There were steps again. A slight, even click of heels. There was only one person Pansy knew that would put on heels at night. 

"I brought tea," she whispered.

Daphne Greengrass stood in front of them, placing down four cups of tea on the table, before putting her hands together in front of her. "The green tea is all with two sugars and no milk. Draco, your cherry tea is with as much sugar as usual."

Draco looked up at her and she looked back at him, and Pansy considered if this was the first time they had ever looked at each other, really looked at each other. Daphne handed him his cup, and before she could hand Theo his, he grabbed it himself.

"Thank you, Daphne," he said. 

"Sit," Draco added. And she did sit, right between Pansy and Theo and she put her head on Pansy's shoulder.

Dirty blonde hair fell all over Pansy and it tickled behind her ear and against her neck and she had never cared less.

"I didn't wake you up," Pansy said.  _ I didn't want to wake you up _ . 

All the things they never said, they always implied, hung so heavy over them. And yet it worked, had worked since day one.

Daphne placed her hands together in her lap and Pansy put hers on top of them. 

"I know. You don't need to."

They fell into silence again. All of their eyes slowly moving towards the lake. Pansy knew the sun would come up soon, that this was one of the nights where they wouldn't even attempt to fall asleep. 

And for the first time she was almost alright with it. Because she knew no matter what would come once the sun was up, it wasn't just her. Not just her and Draco, but all of them. It would always be all of them. 


End file.
